Your friendly film critic reports...

The Russian Communist Party has complained about the new Indiana Jones film. Having seen it yesterday, I would assume that letters of protest are also in the post from archaeologists, academics, double agents and James Dean impersonators. Near the end there's a scene where Indy can't believe what he's seeing, shortly followed by an expression of utter relief that it's all over. I was right with him.

It's not that The Crystal Skull is a terrible film, it's actually quite an enjoyable way to pass a couple of hours. But if, as rumoured, it took 14 years to come up with a script that Ford and Spielberg were happy with, I dread to think what the first draft must have been like. George Lucas's pervasive and unique brand of pseudo-sci-fi mumbo-jumbo is off-putting and the central legend so obscure (made up?) that a huge amount of exposition follows. The result is a film of dramatically fluctuating pace.

The Crystal Skull just looks tired and rather humourless, although there's a nice touch with the hat just before the credits - which you might miss after spewing at the sickly-sweet Hollywood ending. Cate Blanchett's villain appears to have escaped from a spoof superhero movie, while the supposedly up-and-coming Shia LaBoeuf is plain annoying, John Hurt speaks only gibberish and Ray Winstone manages to sound even more Cockney than usual. Jim Broadbent is predictably good in his brief role as a plot device.

The film features probably the longest and fastest chase scene ever shot in the Amazon but you could drive a large truck through the holes in the continuity and logic. There's also the most predictable plot twist - sorry, make that two - I've seen for a while and a scene lifted straight from The Mummy. To quote Indy, the skull itself "couldn't be made with any known technology", which begs the question, how did the props man make it? And I don't think I'm giving away too much by revealing that as usual the entire set crumbles into dust at the end - rather like the franchise itself, perhaps.

The fifth and final instalment, "Indiana Jones and the Bathchair of Senility" (simplified US title: Indiana Jones Returns), is due for release in 2022. I hear it will feature either Heather Mills or Kerry Katona as Indy's long-lost daughter, and Vinnie Jones as a mute baddie who tries to prevent Indy returning his talking books to the library. I can't wait.