The World Cup - so far

The World Cup is in full swing. Halfway through according to the calendar, three-quarters by matches played, one-fifth by progress in finding out the winners, and finished already if you're French or Italian. I couldn't resist some good old-fashioned Schadenfreude at the fate of the previous finalists, even though England were perilously close to joining them on the plane back to Europe. The only trouble with the French going out with such a whimper is they didn't get to taste their own medicine; I'd hoped they would be dismissed from the tournament by a terrible refereeing decision like that by which they qualified. Instead, the coach showed himself to be almost barking mad, the players went on strike, everyone fell out with each other and they played some of the most tedious, couldn't-care-less football imaginable.

Along with the gloriously overrated Italians, I was delighted to see the back of Switzerland tonight. They deserve credit for their staunch (and successful) defence against Spain but they had no attacking intent or quality whatsoever. The first set of matches suggested we were going to see a lot of teams like that, as they were too many short of flair and the better teams were afraid of losing. No one seemed entirely certain whether the World Cup was supposed to be a celebration of international sport, or the ultimate football championship. Did New Zealand, North Korea and Slovenia really deserve to be there, or was the tournament bloated by also-rans? As if the fear-ridden football wasn't bad enough, we had to bear the vuvuzelas. In this great football party, not only had we got stuck in the corner with a boring uncle, but someone had invited 50,000 bees. My objection to the horns was that they drowned out any of the other noises that bring a football match to life everywhere in the world except South Africa. Only in two England matches have I heard any significant singing, although the Spanish drummer had a good go.

Thankfully the second set of group matches saw an improvement in the quality, as the fixture combinations obliged the big guns to go for wins. Over the past four days the final group matches have been played, mostly with something at stake, and I know the standard has risen because the pundits have stopped debating the vagaries of the Jabulani ball. Apparently it was to blame for the wayward shooting and goalkeeping errors in the early games. And there I was thinking the players maybe just weren't that good. On the subject of pundits, there were some welcome new voices, including Robbie Savage who donated his summariser's fee to charity after one tedious game "because there was nothing to summarise", and Five Live's Alan Green urged viewers not to waste time watching the highlights of another match. Mr Green though was heard to praise the standard of refereeing in the tournament; possibly the altitude got to him. I don't think anyone was praising the French referee M. Lannoy after he sent off Kaka for an offence he couldn't have seen even if it had existed or the Malian who disallowed a last-minute American winner because three Slovenians were committing fouls at the time. But overall, allowing for some officiousness, the standard of refereeing has been far higher than the standard of sportsmanship - yes, I'm thinking of you Mssrs Fabiano, Keita and Torisidis.

I've seen around a dozen games so far, in full or significant part, and Argentina have caught my eye the most. Their back line may be as solid as a damp spongecake, but any team whose reserve strikeforce dismantles the 11-man Greek defence is fine by me. They have to go far in the tournament because it can ill afford to lose Diego Maradona, who's probably even nuttier than M. Domenech but seems to know more about football and has far better players to work with.

Brazil looked good in their first two games, less so against Portugal tonight when all 22 players including the goalkeeper could have sat in a huddle in the centre circle, so little effort did anyone make to break the deadlock. It was just like Portugal's first game against Ivory Coast in fact. Still on the South American theme, Uruguay declined to beat France in their opening game but won their group all the same; and Paraguay took advantage of Italy's demise to win theirs as well. I haven't seen much of them - mercifully on the evidence of their most recent game. Above all I was delighted to see Chile progress: a team that gets stuck in, plays some good football and apart from the last few minutes tonight look like they will always try to win. Actually I quite fancy the Chileans to give Brazil a decent game. 

In contrast to the South Americans, the Africans lived up to the old adage that when a major tournament comes around you should always bet against them. Algeria were one of only two teams not to score a goal, Cameroon lost all three games, South Africa put up a brave fight but never looked good enough to progress and the Ivory Coast were emasculated - the Sven effect? Ghana now carry the hopes of a continent but could well lose to the USA.

Of the minnows, New Zealand managed three draws despite not having a forward line, and but for a dodgy penalty might have beaten Italy. North Korea looked robust for an hour against Brazil, then folded and ended up with a dozen goals against them. But their centre-forward did cry during the anthems so everyone loves him. Australia took a hammering first off but like their fellow ex-colonies avoided finishing bottom of their group, despite two red cards. Japan and South Korea shouldn't be considered minnows and both not only qualified but have more than half a chance of reaching the quarter-finals. Honduras named three brothers in their squad - a World Cup first - but unfortunately only one of them was Wilson Palacios and the team was rubbish, frankly.

The European challenge so far has been led by the Netherlands, who won all three games without breaking sweat. We've seen that before: they usually sprint through the group stage and then lose to someone hopeless at the first knockout round. It could be different this time, with the squad reputedly united for the first time in a generation. Spain got through and apart from an unfortunate defeat to the massed defence known as Switzerland, they've looked good. I expect them to beat the timid Portuguese, who seem to be a one-man team and he hasn't turned up yet. Serbia and Denmark unexpectedly sucked. Slovakia proved they weren't Slovenia by beating Italy but should be cannon fodder to the Dutch - famous last words perhaps. Germany impressed the easily impressed by thrashing Australia with attacking intent possibly forced on them by the scheduling of their most winnable game first. I haven't seen that much of the Germans but their young team has a good pedigree.

So, what of England? I was in a minority in thinking the first performance against the USA wasn't bad, and but for a fluke soft goal we would have been off to a flying start. I would be in a minority of one if I thought the Algeria game had any merits at all beyond not losing - but I didn't. Against Slovenia we should have won comfortably from the chances created and it cost us top place in the group. If we can get past Germany we'll probably face Argentina, who should have too much for a talented but lightweight Mexico; one more goal and we'd have faced Ghana and then possibly Uruguay. It will take a huge effort and a big improvement for England to progress much further and in a way, unpatriotic as it sounds, I don't mind. Although against Slovenia we had more pace and aggression, we're miles behind some of the other countries on technical ability and joie de vivre (or joie de jouer). Spain, Brazil and Argentina happily pass the ball to someone who's marked, confident he won't lose it; we prefer to go back to the keeper. Too many England players are decidedly ordinary at this level and I firmly believe the "golden generation" will fall short again. At least the slow start has helped keep a lid on expectations this time, unlike some previous tournaments. Our easy qualification ought to have got everyone excited, but for once the watching public could see we were patently inferior to at least one close neighbour (Spain - 33 wins out of 34 coming into the tournament, I believe, and they played us off the pitch in a friendly). No doubt by Sunday the anticipation will crank up another notch, although I hope without too many mentions of the war or a match 44 years and 8,000 miles away from Bloemfontein.

If I had to put money on it I would back us to scrape past Germany and then lose comfortably (by more than one goal) to Argentina. I'm not sure if that would be better or worse than just losing to cardigan-wearing Joachim Loew and getting it over with. I can take the despair, it's the hope I can't stand.